Digital Jokes?

[Tom V]

In the "film" days, if a shot came out a bit out of focus, we would say "Just spray some SHARPEN-ALL on it, and it will look better."

Longtime studio types referred to clothspin as a C-47, as in "Go get me a C-47." (The assistant runs off, then realizes he has no idea what a C-47 is.)

If I was shooting a portrait, and the test Polaroid came out dark, I would mention aloud that my subject wasn't very bright. I would show them the print, and say "See, you're a bit dim." (I could do the same thing with light meter readings.)

There were all sorts of "negative" comments to be made in the darkroom, which could get a laugh. "Well, lab assistant, let's see what develops!"

If I dropped a roll of film in front of a client, I would swear and complain that now my shots were out of focus, and I had to reshoot it all.

After a complicated view camera shoot, the assistant would ask if he was ever supposed to pull the slide.

Anybody got any good DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY jokes or gags?

Any lines that make good use of memory, ram, pixels, bytes, etc.?

[sandman]

Hi Tom
no jokes just a couple of storys
i once had a driver who crashed his truck in a ditch, not to far away, so i sent him back with a camera to snap it , before the pick-up truck arrived, not knowing his camera skills , i shouted ''don't forget to take the cap off'' .Later when we developed the film , all black !!
''What happened did'nt you take off the cap'',, his reply ''yes ,but i don't know what good that was'' .He'd removed the diesel cap from the tank.

I was explaining to my boy all about pixels and resolution on an early digi cam , when my grand daughter (about 4 at the time). ran away shouthing ''grand dads got pixies in his thingy''

Flashing an offence over here, (it means someone who exposes themselfs quickly). So when you visit public buildings, stately homes etc, you sometimes see signs like NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY , theres always someone who comes up with the same old tired joke ''no flashing,eh, better make sure i'm zipped up then. ha ha ha, ''

You deserve better ones than this though Tom, lets hope other members enter into the spirit of this forum and send them in.

re your easter island joke. For such a serious and dedicated photographer, you sure have got a wacky sense of humour. i love it ,amongst all the serious and techy stuff it,s very refreshing

Happy shooting
Sandman

[lightwrangler]

Those of you know who have had 4x5 darkroom experience know that agitation of film during development in open tanks follows a specified pattern; lift, left, right, back in the tank and tap, tap, tap - wait for 30 seconds and do it again. Whenever I had a new assistant and was shooting polaroid, I would pull the tab, and follow the agitation proceduce; left, right, tap, tap, tap and wait for 30 seconds and do it again. When they gave me a questioning look, I would say; " Everyone knows you have to agitate during processing". I never failed to get them on that.

Sometimes after a particularly tough shoot, right after the set or lights were taken down I would say to the client, "It's too bad you didn't request the sharpness option, the shots would have looked much better".

On occasion when I was shooting large format and had a very complicated setup, before the client would show up I would take the view camera off of the tripod and place the smallest camera I owned, a Minox 35mm, on it. It was usually smaller than the tripod plate. The client would arrive and I would happily exclaim that everything was set and we could begin to expose film. I would then attach the PC cord to the hot shoe adapter on the camera and fire away, stating after each shot, "Wow the guys at the minilab are gonna love these". I could usually get off a couple of shots before someone would ask about sheet film or the quality of the camera I was using. Most Art Directors and clients had a great laugh after I pulled out the view camera and really got down to business.

Often with new assistants, I would ask for a "cable strecher" (when you were a few inches short on AC or strobe cable) or a "sky hook" (when you needed to put in something on a set where no additional stand could possibly fit.

A little insanity brightens up the day.

[Swampy]

You can still get away with the cable stretcher with digital at least. And I bet, some time soon, you'll be putting an old Canon S200 or something like that to do a shoot while hiding the real camera.

Imagine, showing up at a wedding with a 1mp point and shoot after agreeing to get paid 3 grand to shoot the wedding.

[sandman]

i got caught on sky hooks, when i left school i went as an apprentice mechanic in a large motorcycle work shop(B.S.A.) agents. on my first day , i was tea boy and gofa, so down to the hardware shop to buy 'sky hooks' , 'sky blue pink ' paint, and a 'long stand,' after waiting about 1/2hr in the corner of the shop, the bloke behind the counter took pity on me and told me the joke.